Last night, whilst I was in my dance rehearsal in Jericho, some nasty person put a puncture in my bike tyre. Now I'm pretty sure that it was an act of malice due to the fact that my back tyre was pretty bouncy and full of air when I went into my rehearsal and completely flat when I came out. Also when I tried to pump it up the air whooshed out straight away - not a slow puncture symptomatic of cycling around the back streets of Jericho. The gang of kids eying up my bike when I went into rehearsal also kind of suggests my preferred mode of transport suffered an attack.
Now, this has really annoyed me. My bike, known fondly as 'Bertie' is very dear to me. As you can see from the picture Bertie is a very friendly character of a bike who wouldn't do no harm to no one. I ignore the comments from my friends that Bertie is too big, or too heavy for me - he's not a racer or a mountain bike you see, not up there in the bike class elite . We go back along way together me and Bertie and this year we made a big step together - to actually cycle on the roads and not just the pavements, Bertie has taught me a lot about how traffic works.
Anyway, other than the pure inconvenience of not having my wheels and my distress at Bertie's mutilation, the little s**t who did this can not have imagined the effect that this childish act has had.
Enter the butterfly...
Due to the fact that I could not cycle last night, I had to catch the bus. Bus fumes are not regulated in Oxford thus my money went towards supporting the unwarranted destruction of the environment. Without a bike, I may be tempted to use a car - cars damage trees, well to be more precise me in a cars damage trees (just ask my dad about my first few driving lessons), oh and dry stone walls for that matter.
As I had just been dancing for two hours and the additional unpredicted amount of time I spent sussing out where all the air was coming from in my tyre, I was rather hungry. My feeding time long over due, I went to a kebab fan. Now I'm not proud of myself for this act, and I'm sure said little s**t will be happy to hear that he has contributed towards the escalating obesity problem in the UK, thus draining the National Health Service's resources (actually I'm not obsese, but the point is I could have been).
What's more, due to the stress of the entire situation, I lost my train of thought for my big research dissertation on educational technology in higher ed I am writing at the moment. I may have lost valuable conclusions, the educational environment will never hear of them, the uk will loose its competitive edge in attracting international students to study here, the economy will falter supporting the UK's quest for other peoples oil to keep our comfortable standard of living, further damaging international relations and contributing to the looming World War 3.
So there you go, you spotty 14-year-old brat. Now go to your room and have a good hard think about what you have done.